Good thing I’m done with this montage of thoughts on the blog…after what I’m about to pull, you may need to take a break…
What to do, what to do?
Whenever someone asks me the simple question, “What are you going to do…”, a weird little radar goes off…things like, “I’m not sure”/uncertainty, “I don’t care”/apathy, “Go to Disneyworld”/relief all kind of converge into one moment of indecision. I really wish there was a super navigable (I did not know that was a word until right now) path…I wish I could lay out my 10 year plan toward health, hope and happiness.
And here’s where you roll your eyes…the problem isn’t usually the answer…it’s the question. And sometimes, for me, the question makes me lose focus on who I am, and start thinking way too much about I’m going to do. (Huh?…Jen, people are just curious!)
Let me give a little example: I was just talking with my dear friend who said that she was going to give homeschooling “one more semester” to see if she was either a homeschool success or failure…whether it was “for her or not for her”. I promptly told her that was a ridiculous premise. The question “Did I fail or succeed at homeschooling, and thus, should I continue?” is only going to lead to self-pity or pride (both of which I experienced large doses of during this degree pursuit)
The question should be based on who she is: “What method of schooling will best provide my children with a better understanding of the Gospel of Christ”. There, if she’s a mean/terrifying/horrific Mom, maybe it’s school…if there’s a mean/terrifying/horrific teacher/situation, maybe it’s homeschool. Who cares – what matters is that she stays true to her love/value/hope in the Gospel for both herself and the children. At the end of that line of questioning is a meek faith that says, “I want them to know You more, Lord”. Ahhhhh.
See, that changes things…and for now…that’s where I’m resting…I don’t know what my wedding basket will provide other than a few “oooh’s and aaahs” and random men saying, “What’s that for?”…and I don’t know what this degree will play in the future. I rest in the hope that, with God’s help, it might bring a clearer understanding of the Gospel in my life, and in the lives of others…forever.
Soli Deo Gloria…