Something I’ve never blogged about but feel like it’s time so that I can use it as a cathartic experience. I’m working on my doctoral dissertation. I’m three chapters in and I am stuck. I was supposed to have gotten the all clear for research and finishing up this process this summer. It’s been now three months and I haven’t gotten that go ahead. (Remember my summer humility crash course?…a large part of those lessons revolved around this process)
My Life...with a way less cool MacBook
Anyhow, I was supposed to wake up this morning, have a committee meeting and get that holy grail green light. Instead, I woke up to an e-mail saying, “we’re just not ready…need to rework the methodology and blah blah blah….” I kind of stopped reading after that. I got on the phone with my really-great chair and midway through, cried for a spell, and then reached again for my big girl pants. I have put them on, but am walking like you do when you dried your jeans too long. Just awkward, tight and not at all like the jeans that you love so much after about three straight days of wearing them.
Why such response you ask? Because today seemed to be the final nail in the coffin for my plans of graduating next May. This was the lynch pin in our decision to fly as a family to the US, and spend two months there visiting families, churches and eating Chik-Fil-A. Today that hope collided with reality and it looks like a summer trip to America is going to be postponed for another year.
It’s not so much the delights of the USA that we long for, for me it’s this process finally being done, for my kids, it’s the Owens, Avery’s, Ashtons, and Abby’s that they will miss connecting with, it’s the football camp for Jack, it’s our family and the sweet reunions that we anticipated and were excited about. It’s so many things that you can’t order at a wonderful American restaurant (although that is much anticipated as well)…it’s just the postponement of a hope realized and this, as the Bible says…makes a heart sick.
Back to my writing…just wanted to share….I have a more upbeat blog coming later today.