‘Tis So Hard to Trust in Jesus….

I love the hymn I am parodying with this title (is that sacreligious…a parody of a hymn?..my Dad is broken-hearted, I’m sure!).  The truth is that while it’s “sweet” as the hymn really says, well…it’s equally hard.  Thankfully, I have about 25 years of history under my belt of trusting Jesus…but lately, I’ve been reminded again of how hard it is.

Enter Jack.

You see, Jack is buckling…you know how the pavement in America just full on “buckles” when it gets so hot in the summer?  Well, the heat is on in my son’s world.  Apparently, he’s a “popular” kid at school (don’t get me started on that whole thing), but what that translates to my son’s little heart is that he has trained and served his heart a steady diet of “how people perceive me is how I feel about myself” and sadly – God.  So…if everyone’s nice to him, he maintains his studliness on the soccer field at every recess opportunity, and there’s at least one mention of a girl liking him…his heart remains steadfast and God’s face is clearly shining on him.

If, after said example day, he comes home to a Mom that reviews his Math paper that we whizzed through (and thus bombed), and then gets caught in a string of recent half-truths (is it progress to go from full on blatant lies to half-truths?…I think not)…then suddenly, “he’s a terrible kid who has parents that only talk about bad things and God just isn’t Mr. Nice Guy anymore.

My son has an extreme penchant for literal…this wrecks a lot of havoc on his ability to trust the Lord.  We had a great conversation the other night as we muddled through his weak “trust-in-God-muscle” as compared to his, “I’m an awesome soccer player-muscle” and “I’m-the-hottest-4th-grader-muscle (what is that all about, really?,4th grade???)  As we talked about trusting Jesus for his worth, acceptance, love and security, my son literally squirmed and flopped for 15 minutes on my bed – showing physical resistance to this idea of trusting God for such things.

God is calling Jack to Himself – it’s ugly and simultaneously the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  God calls me to Himself every day – maybe it looks a little better on the outside and maybe the distance between “hard to trust” and “sweet to trust” in Jesus is shorter, but the beauty of God redeeming me remains the greatest, most mysterious, most spectacular thing I’ve ever known.  Keep praying for Jack, dear friends..he’s on the divine hot seat!

Oh for grace, to trust You more!

We love you all – Jen

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Discipleship IS compelling….

I did it again – I placed a lesser value on something God values highly.  When this happens, God usually decides to show off while He expertly reviews His value chart (over and over again).

Here’s how it went down:  As we started into the beginning of our Discipleship Training School, we realized quickly that the building needed a lot of work, as well as things like blankets, sinks, and other things people enjoy using.  We knew our needs were greater than we thought…

Honest missionary moment:  Buddy and I agonize over sending e-mails asking for money.  It’s mostly pride, but also trying to stay away from the “send me $4000 and you will discover your wealthy Nigerian ancestry” label.  As we sent out an e-mail asking people to consider purchasing an item for the new DTS building, my faith conscience went something like this:

“Lord, You know people don’t give to stuff like this – this is not compelling.  You should’ve created a need in the Stop Slavery side of our ministry.  People dig that!

I mean, when the opportunity to help a young child enslaved in human traficking of any kind presents itself, who doesn’t want to give their time, money, and spare change in the hope of helping?  Right?  You’d be a fool not to…who wants to stand before God with that kind of blatant need on their grimy little hands?

But discipleship?..we could talk our way out of that ambiguous need!…providing money for “stuff” that allows for avenues  to make Biblical choices – being a part of praying courage for someone who is captured by fear – exhorting and encouraging someone who may or may not grow…well…let’s just say that that line is a lot shorter.

It took about 12 hours for God to begin showing me that discipleship and all that it entails IS compelling and really high on His holy agenda.  Our friends and supporters responded with joy and generosity, lifting a burden and allowing us to move full steam ahead with the “hands and feet” part of our discipleship ministry.

It seemed that every day we were informed of another gift toward the DTS renovation.  And to top it all off…this week, three former students responded to the discipleship God graciously allowed us to be involved in by giving abundantly to God’s ministry here in Chiang Mai.

This other face of our ministry is less glamorous, but, I would argue, more of what the Bible talks about when it comes to making disciples and sanctifying change that lasts.  It hasn’t been easy.  We’ve parted ways with folks along the way because of ideological differences that turned into plain ole’ hurt.  We’ve drawn lines in the theological sand that others don’t agree with.  But, overall, we are reminded that these little disciples (many of whom are now in their mid-20’s!) are our true crown and joy.

We love you all…


Team 1 for the Amazing Race around Chiang Mai!

Team 2 that WON! 🙂


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A Thankful Missionary….

Dear Friends…

You know those days where you the Lord presses His thumb on your heart so hard you can almost feel it?  I am struck today with the blessings of our life….how many luxuries I enjoy and well, often downright, assume.  These revelations came to a head today with an odd mix of happenings…

1.  Buddy heads to Cambodia to continue his hands-on commitment to “our” God-given orphans and human trafficking ministry.  My heart is proud.

2.  While gone, I am tackling some long-overdue house projects.  This sentence alone convicts me.  Here’s a little list of luxury’s that statement holds:

  • I have a house
  • I have a house that is painted a color I don’t like, so I go buy another color (to please my eye)
  • I have the money to buy paint
  • I have the luxury of having experienced how happy a new color of paint makes me feel.

While reading this, Adrianne is reading snippets of “Kisses from Katie” to me about a young girl who at 19 is a Mom to 6 kids in Uganda.  She believes what God says about giving up your life now for a glorious life later.  While I stroke my brush, I realize that my world is a bit soft compared to folks in Cambodia and Uganda.  (While painting, I’m thinking about how my friend, at my request, is sending me shoes and smarties next week because, well, “I need them”.  Oh my.)

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t need sympathy regarding the influence and impact of our ministry.  I believe we are right where God wants us…sometimes I just feel so lily-white glove about it.  I know God has called us here and I love to watch Him work in our students lives and do truly life-changing work.  I know Buddy’s and my gifts are part of this great big picture God has – I am just reminded today that God has given us great luxuries along the way.

And in that – I am both thankful and humbled. Part of those luxuries include you.  We love you.

Jen for us.

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Pecans & Life in America

Life is a wee bit more distracting in America…yikes – just the commercials have all of us Rathmells gawking at the TV – we are so easily sold because of the amazing graphics and professional wooing.  Jack knows that Geico can save us 15% or more in 15 minutes, that you can eat Taco Bell and be a hero with your other hand, and thanks to ESPN, he’s pretty sure there’s a connection between beer and women falling all over you.  There’s so much to learn in America! 🙂

Our lives have been full to brimming over, however, with life-giving, faith-strengthening conversations that help us tow the Gospel line and we are finding ourselves unbelievably blessed.  It has been great to be in America and to breathe clean air, not worry about killing a myriad of moped drivers and find stores that have exactly what we want!

We did make on enormous mistake however.  We did not bring a list of “Things we ‘need’ to bring back to Thailand”.  And you know what?  We have forgotten just about everything!  Luckily,  I did remember how precious and expensive nuts are and my mother-in-law hooked us up with a huge bag of pecans – only one catch – they are still encased in their shell!

Expensive deliciousness!

Early on, I was quite eager to shell them, because I do remember their high value in Thailand and I’m 1/4 of the way of pursuing my dream of a big ziploc bag of fresh pecans snuggled in my luggage back home.  In the process, I have been thinking a lot about “worth”.  I keep asking myself if it’s worth it. I mean, it is when I’m in Thailand, but it’s not so much when I can go 300 yards and painlessly swipe a credit card for a perfect batch of pecan halves down the road.

Funny how things gain and lose their worth.  Our faith sometimes suffers this ebb and flow.  Maybe it’s inconvenience, like shelling these pecans and the effort it is requiring of me.  Maybe it’s the bad taste of disappointment that weakens us, or maybe it’s just plain ole’ fear that reduces the value of our faith.  I have a lot of time to think about it – I’ve got 3/4 of a bag left to shell, and I’m praying it will profit my soul and strengthen my faith.

Love you guys!  Jen

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Trip to Cambodia & Baptism

Last summer I was in Siem Reap, Cambodia with a missions team from Okinawa, Japan.  My first morning in Siem Reap, I debated whether or not to go back to the cafe that I had been going to for breakfast each time I was there for the previous year and a half.  I stopped just short of the cafe and considered another cafe I had found that had great food and Air Conditioning.  After reflecting for a minute I decided that I should continue going to the first restaurant as I had begun to develop a small relationship with two of the waitresses that worked the area where I sat.

During that trip I was able to pray for one of the ladies, Sokneat, and then share with another, Sokhat, about the Lord and also introduce her to another believer who had set up her own businesses just like Sokhat wanted to do.  My family met both Sokneat and Sokhat an the teams that we have brought through.

This year Sokhat invited Clark and my family to join her for her sister’s wedding.  It would have been a little expensive to bring the whole family down but Clark and I were able to attend and had a great trip over all.

We were able to visit a couple of new outreach ministries to poor neighborhoods that Paul Chamrong, who runs our orphanage, has started or partnered with others on.  The church that the kids attend had a Baptism service and three of the older girls were baptized as they publicly declared their commitment to Jesus Christ.



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The “Real” Deal…

Many of you know we’re coming back to the USA next Wednesday – we actually hop over to Hong Kong on Tuesday, spend the night there and hope to catch a standby flight from there direct to Newark (only 15 1/2 hours)…

Anyhow..in the midst of our thinking about America, the kids keep coming up with random things they “can’t wait to do”, but mostly eat.  (Our British friends put it best when they pointed out that when Americans talk about going to the US, they only talk about food that they are going to eat).

Topping the list from Megan and Adrianne are:

Seriously?? Canned Alfredo sauce???


Little Ceasar's Pizza! Pizza!

Cracks me up…even better, is that Adrianne came to me and said, “Mom, can we get the real Afredo sauce in America?”  And by that, she means the Ragu sauce from a jar…not the cream and butter (from a cow) I’ve been using since we got to Thailand.  And Megan insists that the cardboard that Little Ceasar’s uses for a crust is infinitely better than anything we can get here (including the New York Pizza guy who ditched Wall Street to make us amazing pizza!).

You know what I’m going to say – it’s a blog that keeps coming up because it haunts the human soul like none other.  Discernment regarding what’s “real” and what’s “good” is ridiculously hazy at times and mildly focused at best as we consider the words of Isaiah (again).

“Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.” Isaiah 55:2

Oh God, that you would give us eyes to know what truly satisfies…help us to enjoy the Ragu and the pizza, but to find our satisfaction in you…help us to live David’s cry:

“You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine (and Ragu and Little Ceasars) abound.” Psalm 4:7.

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Here I go again…

Some of you may have noticed I’ve been absent from the blogging world…I don’t really know how to explain why.  Well, first off, my travel blogging hopes were not only dashed, they were obliterated with the shameful lack of internet in New Zealand.  Talk about taking the wind out of my sails…I was so eager…

Secondly, my life moved at supersonic speed thereafter with a trip to the US to defend my dissertation and a whirlwind attempt to keep up my title of “Best Aunt EVER” with my neices and nephews during my visit.  Thirdly, my white (some say, dilapidated) MacBook decided to die 1 week before my defense, which coincides with fourthly, all my passwords that automatically populated [like to this blog] are noticeably absent on my new computer, only proving my fifth reason:  I’ve been the laziest slug on the earth.

I don’t know…I kind of took that phrase, “Stop and smell the roses” and added “…for a month.”  Never fear though…I have about 10 blogs all stored up because writers are always thinking and writing life…sometimes it just takes a while to get onto paper!

The most important blog of all those is this one.  So happy reading!

Dissertation Defense Day.

The day began bright and early at 1:30 a.m. because I was super jet-lagged (which resulted in me looking like I had a drinking binge prior to my defense)…and I couldn’t get back to sleep.  A major kudos to my sister who is notoriously late, for being on time and driving me to Liberty while I looked like I was nursing a hangover.  (seriously, I kept telling her I couldn’t open my eyes and to stop talking so loud).

In all seriousness – I need to change the tone of this blog, and fast…this was a day that is forever etched in my mind because God in His grace illuminated a truth that I already knew, but He cemented it in my mind with a living, breathing, object lesson.

You see, because we worked with high schoolers for 10 years, we know a couple students at Liberty…one of which is from a family that co-labored as Navigator Missionaries in Okinawa with us for 9 years.  We had the privilege of loving and discipling their four children during that time.  Their youngest, Wren, is a student at LU and I wrote and said, “Hey, come on by and let’s catch up…I’m defending my dissertation tomorrow.”  (In typical Vanossdall fashion, Wren showed up with OJ and a pastry in case I hadn’t eaten).  While my sister arranged the reception table, I knew my only chance to catch up with Wren was in the next hour.

We sat down and I was able to hear her heart (which has gone through some pretty big maturing this year)…while I was listening to her, I could not escape the Lord pressing 1 Thessalonians 2:19 into my heart as Paul says,

“For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes?  Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.” 

Wren - one of many who are our glory and crown!

The rest of the story is that I defended, passed and got to be called “Dr. Rathmell”.  Yet, truly…it was nothing compared to the joy of what God has called us to over the years – influencing, loving, discipling and encouraging students as they seek to please and follow the Lord.  In that moment, God sealed in my heart forever the place that earthly titles hold.  I remember thinking, “If people live for this moment of hearing those words, then they will be so sorely disappointed…”  In contrast, I have never, not once, thought that I would be sorry for pouring out my life into others for the sake of the Gospel…and God was the master educator that day.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m proud of finishing, persevering and completing the work.  I’m just all the more thankful for a God who so poignantly reminds us of what this life is about.

Soli Deo Gloria.


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I’m feeling ambivalent today – got lots going through my heart/soul/mind….thought I’d write it down (this is one of the times where having a melancholic mood can derail the day):

1.  High – took Dad out in town to shop and enjoy Chiang Mai/Low – Clutch in truck finally bit the dust and I drove home in 2nd gear.

2.  High – we leave for a visa trip/vacation on Wednesday/Low – can’t find our ATM card.

3.  High – We’re going to New Zealand for a grand total for $900!/Low – Our “kiwi” friends informed me how curvy the roads are there!  Agh!  (This might be my first vacation where I’m perpetually on Dramamine)

4.  High – Someone is here to feed the cats/Low – today one cat didn’t show up for breakfast.  We’re down to just Shadow/Extra-low:  telling the kids he didn’t come home today after they get home from school.

5.  High – Singapore Universal Studios that aformentioned Dad is springing for!/Low-it’s sandwiched between grueling hours at the Thai Embassy so we can get back in the country.

6.  High – flying cheaply on United to the U.S./Low – My ticket pimp and brother is laid up with a broken tibula (or whatever) and flights are packed…

7.  High – getting to defend my dissertation at 9AM on April 2nd/Low – getting ready for it!

7.  High – my husband never really has lows – no corresponding low!

We are in the “get packed for Visa drudgery, New Zealand beauty and nature, Buddy returning home with kids, me flying to US, defending, buying blocks of orange cheese and enjoying an asundry of lovely American wonders for 3 days, dropping Dad off and coming back to Chiang Mai” stage of life.

Dad and the "Family Size" pizza from Pizza & Pasta!

A travel blog is coming up!  Stay tuned (we leave to Singapore on Wednesday, so I’m sure by Thursday night I will have something to say about immigration procedures and uber-clean Singapore)  And more than anything – pray.  Any number of strings could unravel a lot..we love you all.


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And the answer is…(Part 6 of 6)

Good thing I’m done with this montage of thoughts on the blog…after what I’m about to pull, you may need to take a break…

What to do, what to do?

Whenever someone asks me the simple question, “What are you going to do…”, a weird little radar goes off…things like, “I’m not sure”/uncertainty, “I don’t care”/apathy, “Go to Disneyworld”/relief all kind of converge into one moment of indecision.  I really wish there was a super navigable (I did not know that was a word until right now) path…I wish I could lay out my 10 year plan toward health, hope and happiness.

And here’s where you roll your eyes…the problem isn’t usually the answer…it’s the question.  And sometimes, for me, the question makes me lose focus on who I am, and start thinking way too much about I’m going to do.  (Huh?…Jen, people are just curious!)

Let me give a little example:  I was just talking with my dear friend who said that she was going to give homeschooling “one more semester” to see if she was either a homeschool success or failure…whether it was “for her or not for her”.  I promptly told her that was a ridiculous premise.  The question “Did I fail or succeed at homeschooling, and thus, should I continue?” is only going to lead to self-pity or pride (both of which I experienced large doses of during this degree pursuit)

The question should be based on who she is:  “What method of schooling will best provide my children with a better understanding of the Gospel of Christ”.  There, if she’s a mean/terrifying/horrific Mom, maybe it’s school…if there’s a mean/terrifying/horrific teacher/situation, maybe it’s homeschool.  Who cares – what matters is that she stays true to her love/value/hope in the Gospel for both herself and the children.  At the end of that line of questioning is a meek faith that says, “I want them to know You more, Lord”.  Ahhhhh.

See, that changes things…and for now…that’s where I’m resting…I don’t know what my wedding basket will provide other than a few “oooh’s and aaahs” and random men saying, “What’s that for?”…and I don’t know what this degree will play in the future.  I rest in the hope that, with God’s help, it might bring a clearer understanding of the Gospel in my life, and in the lives of others…forever.

Soli Deo Gloria…

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What are you going to do with that? (Part 5 of 6)

This is the question I’ve been getting a lot lately.  If someone comes over and I show them my two antique purchases from China, they definitely have it on their mind.  I bought an old shutter from an ancient Chinese house that I thought would look super cool on my wall [now just have to figure out where to put it]…as well as an antique Chinese wedding basket that looks kind of like this.  (If you’re wondering why the pictures have been lacking on this blog lately, it’s because my Canon died…might have something to do with the time Megan dropped it).  So, all pictures have been coming from google images lately.

Kind of like this, but way more banged up...(hey, it's an antique!)


Comes apart like this - supposedly used for bring food to weddings (but who am I to say??)

My BFF couldn’t wait to hear Buddy’s reaction to these purchases, because if your husband is anything like mine, the phrase, “What are you going to do with that?” just rolls off his tongue way too easily.  (He must’ve transitioned into some sort of purchasing cannatonic state, because he wasn’t even phased).

Anyway – I’ve been getting this question a lot lately.  From wedding basket purchases to a degree I’m about to finish…what are you going to do with that?  Concerning school, my belief that this degree might actually be finished is starting to gain traction – all the little ducks are lining up and since that has been my goal for so long, I am suddenly aware of the next question:

Now what?

I really don’t know what a wedding basket is for, nor do I know what my diploma will be for, but as you can imagine, I have some thoughts…see you tomorrow!


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