I have finally mustered the courage to blog about our recent faith journey…as we leave in a couple hours to have doctors follow up and check my now-healthy son – I wanted to share some of the highlights of the last two weeks.
After a week of fever, we finally took Jack to the ER…we had postponed not (only) because we’re lazy or non-alarmist folks, but because another student in Jack’s class had just finished up a 7 day virus and was just fine. It took a nanosecond for the doctor to admit Jack, take blood, give him an IV and all the while Buddy and I are somewhat dazed as to what was happening. My one and only baby boy was very sick.
Jack, who obtained enough alarmist-like qualities for our entire family, was slightly convinced he was going to die (he probably felt like it)…I remember forcing myself to read the doctor’s cues – they were concerned but they weren’t wisking him off to ICU or making rash decisions. I decided I shouldn’t either and felt like I was in an arcade smashing those moles who keep popping out and you have to keep whacking them back into their little hole (a perfect object lesson for this life of faith!).
By God’s strength and grace alone, I was able to keep putting those “my son might die” thoughts back where they should’ve been. There was a real “tried and true” path of treatment for this form of typhus (albeit a little on the “late” side) and there was/is a very real “Tried and True” God who governs the world…and so my heart restlessly rested.
This tension of my son hanging in the balance still haunts me – it is just a sliver of the anguish of God’s heart as the plan of Jesus’ saving entrance into the world burst forth on Earth…this time where we celebrate a birth that would result in a saving death. God’s faithfulness in providing our hope and salvation with the cost of a perfect Son. Sitting in the hospital, I thought of friends whose one and only baby boys did not make it – my friend who lost her nephew to a rock climbing accident, my dear friend who visited me in the hospital whose son’s fully formed lungs were first filled with the air of heaven instead of earth. What bravery to care and hope for us in this time.
God’s faithfulness does not rely on my son’s well-being. It would be every bit as true if we were burying him this week. This tension rocks my soul. My heart is filled with thankfulness this season (and Jack would really rather me not sneak up on him and just attack him with thankful kisses and hugs…but I just can’t help myself). It’s an odd way to approach the Christmas holidays, but our hearts are filled with God’s provision for our one and only baby boy. We came close to anguish and God’s faithfulness to us today looks like a healthy baby boy. For others, it is the comfort and peace that passes all understanding.
As we take some Christmas goodie love gifts to our Thai doctors in a couple hours, would you pray that our thankfulness to them for their imageo deo – their working out of their God-given gifts, would be part of what might draw them close to Jesus? Thank you for praying with us – thanks for celebrating with us. We love you all – Jen for us